Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Part II - My Best Friend

I know for a fact that I would be a more well-rounded mother if Liz were still here. While we shared a lot of traits, we still had our own special interests. For me, she often opened me up to new ideas and new trends that I don't know I would have otherwise found on my own. For instance, she was the first to start sharing blogs with me. Oh Happy Day is one I remember she shared with me often. If she were here, I'm certain that we'd be trading secrets on how to get our toddlers to nap longer and how we could sneak in a little exercise when they do.

I don't have a close Mommy friend to share those ideas with now. Most of my other friends either aren't married, don't have kids, or we just have too different of a parenting style to connect on that level. I have this missing part or rather this missing person that I can't have numerous conversations with. Her daughter and my son would have been our number one topic of conversation - the Quinny or the Orbit? Spanish or Sign language? Nanny or Daycare?

Other Mommies that I've met at baby classes or playgroups just aren't working for me. I guess it's the history that I had with Liz that makes her irreplaceable. Motherhood would have just been our latest endeavor. We had already waded through years of getting to know each other - the person inside this new Mommy figure. The evolution of me to, well, this new me.

She's part of the reason for this blog - a way to have those missing conversations. She's part of the reason why I'm the mother that I am today - striving to find the inspirations she would have brought into my life. I don't know how I've gotten through the last 2 years without her, but somehow she influences me (this new Mommy me) in surprising ways.



Thursday, March 25, 2010

Part I - My Best Friend

My best friend died 2 years ago today. A little shocking to write it, much less say it out loud. I knew her during her fresh-out-of-college years. We were driven; trying to make a name for ourselves in a male dominated corporate world. We both had boyfriends who lived in different cities. We were just getting use to making more than a work-study paycheck provided in college. We were shopaholics with no one but ourselves to answer to. Our jobs included 2-4 planes a week, every week. We were living parallel lives. With time and experience, our lives went from job promotions to engaged to newlyweds to job changes to homeowners. We shared it all, with each other. We experienced it all, with each other. You know that person, the one who you talked to for hours at a time. The one who you stayed in the car with for an extra 45 minutes to finish the conversation. One of your bridesmaids. Yeah, that was her.

Our next experience: motherhood. She went first, and I relished every conversation to talk about the style of nursery, girl or boy and for us it was equally important to know how this would affect her career. Would she/we still be competitive? Would she/we still go to Grad school? Can she/we have it all and still be good mothers?

I’ll never know her answers. She was 27 hours into being a new Mom to a 7 week premature baby girl when I got a call. I answered with so much excitement, it was her phone calling me but it wasn’t her voice.


“No, it’s Matt.”

“Matt?” I thought No-No, not the baby.

“Liz passed away.”

My knees buckled and I fell onto my desk.


He described how it happened and then I think he said, “I have to go now. I have a lot of people to call. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her.”

I don’t know either.



Tuesday, March 23, 2010

To My Son

It’s March of 2010 and you’ve just turned one. Your father and I haven’t been around many kids before, so to us you are one and simply amazing. I just realized today that you haven’t been biting me anymore. It’s nice when you turn that developmental corner. You eat everything in sight and especially if it comes off of Mommy or Daddy’s plate. Watching you dance as you DJ at your piano is probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Oh, and I'm so glad to see that you got your rhythm from me.

I would describe you as a cool, relaxed baby. It is easy to take you out because you enjoy just sitting back and watching the world around you. You smile for everything and everyone. Strangers love to look at you, you smile, they smile back and then I hear, “he is so cute.” Your smile is one of those knowingly coy, but not trying to hard grins. It’s perfect, just like you. I’m working hard to be a good Mommy to you and I feel rewarded every time you just look in my direction. I'm just looking forward to many more laughs and smiles.

Love Always,

Your Mommy